


Tips And Tricks For Pacifying Killers

by Ourliazo



Series: A Brief Foray [3]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: Emperor Kyouya Is Exactly Like Regular Kyouya, Gen, Murder Museum, Reborn Is Literal Death, Tsuna Needs To Check The Job Description
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: Tsuna gets a job as night security for a museum. Unfortunately, it just has to be the one with a Chinese emperor who actually achieved immortality.





	Tips And Tricks For Pacifying Killers

The museum is specifically angled to showcase the very worst of humanity.

The owner commissions statues of mass murderers who must have a confirmed body count of at least a hundred, while the mannequins and wax figures all embody some kind of death. He buys ancient relics and dusty tomes that have been involved in cult torture or sacrificial killings, and artfully splatters blood in random places for the public to find.

Tsuna really, really should have learned what kind of museum he signed up to be a security guard for. But… well, that's not even the worst part. Apparently they just kind of start moving at night.

Yeah, that's a real thing now.

Tsuna clutches the heavy torch in his hands tighter for some sort of safety, no matter how delusional. The hallways are very well lit and the building has a pristine, modern look to it with lofty ceilings and grand exhibits.

As Tsuna walks slowly down the corridor, past rattling metal doors and heavy padlocks, he tries to resist the urge he has to shake off the tiny Roman Hayato and the tiny cowboy Takeshi perched on each of his shoulders.

The small Roman has abandoned his helmet a while back after throwing it at Takeshi, and now he seems to be fiddling with the many metal chains crisscrossing his body. Back when he was alive, Hayato was the leader of a small group of infiltrators. He would act as awed and sycophantic as possible and when the enemy leader let their guard down, trusting the skilled but overeager man, Hayato would strike.

Takeshi was a cowboy in the old west, a charismatic man known for moving through towns and challenging people to silly children's games. He played every hide-and-seek or game of catch fairly, but if they refused to participate or if they lost, then Takeshi would leave their bodies hanging from the rafters of the nearest church.

The cowboy has a handful of Tsuna's hair in one hand to stay stable and his other keeps his hat on, the man grinning like he's on a rollercoaster ride. "You know what would be fun? We should play darts after this!"

Tsuna doesn't respond, really the only way he can get out of Takeshi's particular… quirk. He throws a glance over his shoulder and flinches when he finds the siblings and the white-haired man peering back.

Ryohei of the Neanderthal period is pacing around behind Tsuna in wonder, the matted fur and still-bloody hide of a Bengal tiger moving with his bulging muscles as he pokes the touch screens around the place and gapes at the way the technology responds. This man is known for collecting the femur of every person he's killed and piling them up in his cave.

Then there's Mukuro with Chrome, both dressed in many layered robes of deep indigo and gold. The siblings are known for ruling ancient Russia together, creating a dark time in history. They started a war with each other, splitting the land into east and west.

Only centuries later, when historians looked back with a closer eye, they realised that the armies moved strangely. Some only went diagonal and completely bypassed the enemy, while some moved in odd 'L' shapes. The two were playing chess on a grand scale, over decades, killing thousands.

"That is Xanxus's room," Takeshi points out. "He's a really funny guy. Do you want to meet him, Tsuna?"

Tsuna shudders, not wanting to know what Xanxus did to get a place here. "Actually, I really need to see the locket you were telling me about."

Mukuro explained that it only happens at night since the item creating false lives is taken away at day time, to be stored somewhere with high security. It leaves the owner of the item to fade to stone like the Terracotta warriors, which is apparently the safest time to be around the person.

Tsuna just has to get to the magical necklace and put it in his car -which should be far away enough- or simply wait it out, sitting on the steps outside the building where hopefully the museum creatures can’t find him. It's not that Tsuna isn't fascinated or curious about these people, but he doesn't want to be surrounded by killers, whether they're real or not.

Tsuna did try to keep the enclosures locked but they broke out, either through sheer strength or incredible intelligence. Mukuro and Chrome's door is still locked, so Tsuna has no idea how they got out, but he's hardly going to ask.

He's also not sure why all of them are following him when he just needs one as a guide, but he hopes they stop soon because it's terrifying.

"It's just up here," Hayato says, his hand placed deliberately on the hilt of his sword. "Be careful, Juudaime, this bastard is nasty."

"It's just Tsuna," Tsuna repeats again.

Hayato blinks up at him with awe. "But Juudaime is the tenth master I've served."

Tsuna winces, remembering Hayato's history well. He passes into the ancient China wing of the museum and finally comes to a stop at the very last enclosure, the large, daunting doors of the emperor. Tsuna hesitantly climbs up the steps and uses his large ring of keys to unlock the doors.

He pushes the heavy metal open and enters, finding the room to be a mimicry of traditional houses with stone floor and decorated wooden sliding doors leading to an indoor garden on one side, the other side having a gorgeous mural of mountains coasting the walls.

There's a short but massive table in the middle with delicate and detailed designs carved in by hand, and embedded in the top is a map of China, split into the ancient borders. Behind the table, cut off by red velvet rope, is a beautiful man.

The ethereal being has short black hair beaded with diamonds, though his silver eyes outshine them. His clothes are a matte black with soft pink sakura petals climbing up from the bottom hem, and they drape over his form to flare across the ground, making a pool of fine silk.

A golden necklace hangs around his neck, the large locket's front made of glass and showing a strange square pattern, the supposed item that grants immortality.

His name is Kyouya and he ruled ancient China, bringing it out of the Warring States period of the Zhou Dynasty and unifying it, raising it to the forefront of technology and beauty. He turns to gaze at Tsuna with the air of a God, apathetic and high above petty mortal lives.

"Um," Tsuna begins. "I-I'm going to just go. Really sorry for bothering you." The night guard's flight reflex kicks into overdrive and he very calmly backs up and shuts the doors.

"He's not that bad."

Tsuna whips around and blinks at another man in a night guard's uniform, a woman in dark, tight clothes standing next to him with twin braids.

"I'm Lambo, the other security guard," the man says. "This is I-pin, an assassin. Nice to meet you."

"Hi," is all Tsuna can say. "So this… this is all cool then?"

Lambo nods. "Reborn throws you in first night and I keep an eye on you. In the morning you'll get the proper introduction."

The metal doors swing open and Emperor Kyouya appears at the threshold, looking down at them with cold eyes.

"Hello, Kyouya," Lambo chirps. "This is the new guy." He gestures to Tsuna who tenses in fear when Kyouya turns to him.

The emperor soon dismisses the night guard and walks down the steps, passing them all with unerring grace, almost gliding across the white tiled floor of the museum. Lambo and I-pin fall into step with the ruler, the act seeming natural.

Lambo stops though and looks back. "Are you coming? You should probably know since Kyouya can't get in without our keys." Lambo pauses. "Well, he can, but Reborn asked him to stop destroying the museum."

"Where are you going?" Tsuna asks, needing to know the answer because there are quite a few sacrifice chambers around the place and Tsuna wants to steer clear.

"The animal section," Lambo says happily. "They keep the deadliest breeds there."

"Do they have owls?" Chrome asks, quietly excited.

Lambo shrugs. "I think we have a great horned owl somewhere-"

A snapped word in an old Chinese dialect cuts through the hall and Lambo quickly turns, rushing over to an impatient Kyouya.

Tsuna gives up and follows.

**Author's Note:**

> Other story lines within this one:
> 
> 1) Tsuna eventually finds Giotto, the personification of fire, and gets lots of hugs by the living flame for being so adorable.
> 
> 2) Spanner is a wax figure here, not because he killed anyone but because he made Sarin.
> 
> 3) It's Kawahira and Luche who co-own the museum.
> 
> 4) Reborn does get a choice in how the building is run though, since no one says no to the embodiment of Hades.
> 
> 5) Someone tries to take the locket. Before Tsuna can do anything heroic, Nana as Joan of Arc and Iemitsu as Leonidas quickly usher the night guard to the employee break room, shutting the door after them to try and drown out the screams.
> 
> 6) The museum gets a new display and Wu Zetian wakes up. She takes a keen interest in Kyouya but the others in the ancient China exhibit do not approve.
> 
> 7) Even after a few years, Tsuna still has no idea how the museum is so popular.
> 
> 8) And yes, Xanxus is Hitler.


End file.
